Friday, June 23, 2006

Horoscope

Aries: Looking for a lover who's mature, gentle, thoughtful, considerate, and entirely unselfish? Well, then, don't even consider dating an Aries. They'll amaze you at their ability to stuff six "I's" into every sentence -- in between slamming doors, driving like a maniac, and screaming like an infant until they get what they want. Do they really throw temper tantrums? No, no, no!!! Are they hideously impatient? Oh, no, of course not. They're willing to wait at least 4-1/2 seconds for a seat in the restaurant right smack in the middle of the dinner hour, another 5 seconds after they're seated for the waitress to sprint to the table with the meal she's magically intuited they were about to order, another 7 seconds after their plate hits the table for the check, and they'll see you in the car when you're done! Oh, you're only on the salad? Are these Mars-ruled folks really as totally unaware of Others as they seem to be? Well, no, of course not. They know perfectly well there are Others in the world -- they refer to us as The Opponents. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Taurus
Don't date a Taurus if you're not Looking For A Relationship, because once you ask them out they'll consider themselves engaged and want to shop for rings. If you are looking for an over-possessive materialist, get yourself a Taurus. Do date a Taurus if you enjoy eating huge, fattening meals in front of the television set every night, and you don't mind carrying a pager so they can reach you at any moment to ask you to stop at the grocery store on the way home. Are they really as stubborn and slow-moving as legend has it? Well, let's just say that if you're waiting for them to change their mind, you should definitely bring along something to read. And if you're waiting for them to get ready to do anything, be prepared to actually watch your nails grow ....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Libra
Libra: Don't ever ask a Libra a question that involves a choice unless you want to camp out wherever you happen to be while they're trying to choose. They're not famous for their decision-making abilities. If you want to date a Libra, tell them what you want them to wear before you get there, pick them up, take them where you want to go, and order for them. You'll have a wonderful time -- which is all that counts, in their minds. Do Libras lie? No, they don't... well, maybe a little... okay, it depends. If they know you really want to hear the truth, then truth it is -- 100%. If truth is not what they know you're in the mood for, they'll smile, ask you what you think, and agree. That's not lying, is it? It's just that they care so very much about your happiness -- truly. Never mind the fact they'll also smile, listen, and agree when your arch-enemy tells their side of the story seconds later, while you're in the bathroom. Of course, that's not likely to happen, i.e., you going anywhere without your Libra lover. These folks don't like to do anything alone or go anywhere without you -- not even there.





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